Day 164

Day 164

140 days since my last post. I have to say that I've honestly not done much since Day 24 except survive to the best of my ability. Depression and anxiety have a societal stigma where it isn't much talked about. If I'm being completely honest I never thought I would be one to have a discussion on my public blog regarding these things. My very best friend is one of the only people I personally have seen deal with the affects and effects of depression, anxiety, and other diseases. She is a steel beam in my opinion. 

I've watched her overcome so much in the past few years. Now that I'm dealing with it on a much smaller, in my opinion, scale I can't help but wonder how she did it. How did she get up and go to work everyday? How did she take care of her husband and furbabies everyday? How did she have the strength or where did she find it? Was it pure determination and strength of will power? I'm positive some days were. My best friend has been my rock to lean on in the past few months that I've been having issues. 

In this day 164 I do have some good news. Amid all this turmoil and daily struggle my fiance and I have found the time and found the way to be more active. It's not much however, we made it to the gym last Saturday 06/04 and did a 40 minute lower body and abs workout. This past Friday 06/10 we went to the batting cages. We had 208 pitches total, so 104 each. It was a blast! I think we will definitely be doing that more often. Then yesterday my best friend and I went to the pool here at our apartment complex. We didn't do anything specifically defined as exercise. Just treading the water, a little swimming and walking for about an hour. Between the batting cage and the pool I am so sore. I activated all the muscles. I'm back to work tomorrow after being out for a whole week; unplanned. I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. I believe I made a breakthrough with my issues that are going on right now this past week or at least I hope I did. I can't afford to keep taking time off from my job. Wish me luck. Positive thoughts and prayers always appreciated. #prayfororlando

~Rusti

Day 24

lent

This year for the first time in a long time I've decided to participate in lent. I've decided to give up social media. 

...jury is still out on rather that was a rational decision. 

Forty six days without Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. 

I'm pretty much addicted to Facebook and Pinterest. This shall be an interesting journey. 

Healthy living journey has been a bit rocky since starting my new job. I'm eating breakfast out almost everyday and most lunches aren't that healthy. I'm also back to drinking a few cans of Dr Pepper a day; even though I'm keeping up with my water intake I know it's a bad thing to be having that much soda everyday. I'm trying to regroup and get back on track with going to bed at a decent hour so I can wake up on time and get in some movement and a healthier breakfast at home before work. My work schedule hours are anywhere from 7am to 7pm Monday thru Friday and 830am to 4pm Saturday. I'm trying to get in the habit of being in bed by 930 everyday so I can get up by 5am everyday, even my days off. I have to leave my house about an hour before work everyday. Really on the days I work at 7am I should be getting up by 430am but that's just too early for me. 

I am really hoping that giving up the social media will help me with time management. Usually the first thing I do anytime I pick up my phone or get on my laptop is to get on Facebook. I can't imagine how much time I'll actually be saving myself. 

Here's to the next 45 days. Day 1 down. 

Day Ten

big news

Shortly after my last post I got some very good news...

I got a job! I had been unemployed since early December and am so elated to be employed again.

From the outside looking in it may seem that I haven't done much towards my goals since my last post 12 days ago. In my opinion, which is why I am not starting my day count over,I have made some progress. I have only eaten out a few times which is pretty good over 12 days considering that used to be a daily event for myself. I've been eating healthier and drinking a ton of water. My dogs are enjoying the walks that we are taking every day. They aren't incredibly long or strenuous but when we get home my thighs are tingling and I'm out of breath. They both go straight for the water bowl. In the past I would have considered this a failure and felt defeated. This time I'm just going to continue doing what I've been doing and adding small things in over time. I'm noticing differences in how my clothes fit and my thighs are a little thinner. It's always a little surprising how quickly I start to notice changes in my body just from drinking more water and making better choices. Now that I am going to have an almost set schedule with my new employment I will be able to get a solid schedule going for planned workouts. Also with my new schedule I should be able to do some meal planning that will help with taking my lunches. 

I did weigh last Friday and it only changed by 0.02 pounds so I don't think that's enough for a full post for such a small amount; although it was in the right direction! Hopefully this Friday will show more of change. 

I am excited with where I am at and where I'm going. 

Success is on the horizon... I just have to go get it!

~Rusti 

Day Negative Two

heartbroken

I've titled this chapter "Day Negative Two" because Monday will be Day One. I've been writing this blog for a really long time and unfortunately haven't done much with that time. Recently I came across a photo on Facebook that broke my heart:

According to the post on FB, the woman on the left is 250 lbs and the one on the right is 120 lbs.

This image carries the power to break my heart because I am currently 270 lbs...a number I've only seen before while pregnant with my son back in 2009. The difference between now and when I was pregnant with my son is that about 95% of the weight I gained while pregnant was water retention weight. My doctor was very pleased with the fact that I only actually gained about 15-20 lbs of weight total for my pregnancy. My son weighed 7 lb 2 oz at birth so that means that about 14.4 lbs was baby/afterbirth and lost immediately. Basically I gained about 6 lbs that wasn't my baby or part of what was after birth. I had about 40 lbs of additional weight from the massive amount of water retention that happened in the last 2 months. This time around I have nothing to blame and no excuses. This is purely a problem with diet and exercise. My diet has changed over the last year and half for the better. I have discovered new foods and I actually like vegetables and fruit. I still have tremendous issues with wanting/liking to eat out. I'm also not a salad as an entree person at all whatsoever. I will eat a salad as a side but if I eat a salad as an entree I'm hungry in about an hour and a half so it's just not worth it for me. This is the first year that I haven't made resolutions regarding getting fit or losing weight. I am proud of myself for not doing that because it's always a false promise to myself. I'm going to be 29 this coming April. I really want to get healthy before my 30th so that I can go into my third decade healthy, fit and happy. 

I believe in baby steps and in my self that I can attain the goals and dreams I've had for myself for years. This has to be the year that it all clicks and I win the war with myself. I've seen what poor health choices has meant for the elderly members of my family and I don't want that for myself, nor for my son to have to worry about me in that respect. I also know that I've been lucky so far to not be diagnosed with Diabetes. I am hoping to keep it that way with self discipline and dedication. I have a wonderful support and encouragement system with my friends and family. My biggest and most sincere support comes from my girlfriend, Anita. She is amazing and she motivates me everyday to want to be better and do better in all aspects. She forgives me when I'm being needy and ungrateful. She reminds me of my goals and dreams when I get discouraged and unmotivated. Anita, my love, is by the best motivator I have. xoxo panda, I love you. 

“I will beat her. I will train harder. I will eat cleaner. I know her weaknesses. I know her strengths. I’ve lost to her before, but not this time. She is going down. I have the advantage because I know her well. She is the old me.”

"I am my problem but also my solution." 

~Rusti