I've titled this chapter "Day Negative Two" because Monday will be Day One. I've been writing this blog for a really long time and unfortunately haven't done much with that time. Recently I came across a photo on Facebook that broke my heart:
According to the post on FB, the woman on the left is 250 lbs and the one on the right is 120 lbs.
This image carries the power to break my heart because I am currently 270 lbs...a number I've only seen before while pregnant with my son back in 2009. The difference between now and when I was pregnant with my son is that about 95% of the weight I gained while pregnant was water retention weight. My doctor was very pleased with the fact that I only actually gained about 15-20 lbs of weight total for my pregnancy. My son weighed 7 lb 2 oz at birth so that means that about 14.4 lbs was baby/afterbirth and lost immediately. Basically I gained about 6 lbs that wasn't my baby or part of what was after birth. I had about 40 lbs of additional weight from the massive amount of water retention that happened in the last 2 months. This time around I have nothing to blame and no excuses. This is purely a problem with diet and exercise. My diet has changed over the last year and half for the better. I have discovered new foods and I actually like vegetables and fruit. I still have tremendous issues with wanting/liking to eat out. I'm also not a salad as an entree person at all whatsoever. I will eat a salad as a side but if I eat a salad as an entree I'm hungry in about an hour and a half so it's just not worth it for me. This is the first year that I haven't made resolutions regarding getting fit or losing weight. I am proud of myself for not doing that because it's always a false promise to myself. I'm going to be 29 this coming April. I really want to get healthy before my 30th so that I can go into my third decade healthy, fit and happy.
I believe in baby steps and in my self that I can attain the goals and dreams I've had for myself for years. This has to be the year that it all clicks and I win the war with myself. I've seen what poor health choices has meant for the elderly members of my family and I don't want that for myself, nor for my son to have to worry about me in that respect. I also know that I've been lucky so far to not be diagnosed with Diabetes. I am hoping to keep it that way with self discipline and dedication. I have a wonderful support and encouragement system with my friends and family. My biggest and most sincere support comes from my girlfriend, Anita. She is amazing and she motivates me everyday to want to be better and do better in all aspects. She forgives me when I'm being needy and ungrateful. She reminds me of my goals and dreams when I get discouraged and unmotivated. Anita, my love, is by the best motivator I have. xoxo panda, I love you.
“I will beat her. I will train harder. I will eat cleaner. I know her weaknesses. I know her strengths. I’ve lost to her before, but not this time. She is going down. I have the advantage because I know her well. She is the old me.”
"I am my problem but also my solution."