Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I'm Afraid!

 I am so afraid of what losing weight will do to my entire life that I am(was) sub consciously defeating myself. 
I am scared that I will fail. I'm afraid I won't recognize myself when I start losing. I don't want to lose who I am now just because I become un-fat. I have had so many "skinny" people be rude or mean to me and I don't want to turn into that. I want my personality and character to stay intact.
 Have any of you worried about your personality changing due to weight loss?
 Failure to me is a nasty word.  I don't want to fail myself or anyone else. 
I am already failing at weight loss by doing nothing. I guess in order to not be failing I have to actually do something. At least if I am working out and eating healthy I will be trying. 
I am done being afraid and worried about what weight loss will do or won't do for me.
I want to be healthy and yes, thin. I want to know what the size 8 pair of goal jeans I bought feel like and what it's like to shop anywhere I want. I want to know what being less than 200lbs feels like!
My new-ish plan:
Be active for a minimum of 45 minutes a day
Body weight strength train(until we get a gym membership)
Eat 3 meals, 2 snacks a day(1200 to 1500cals)
Drink 125 ounces of water daily
Document everything, meals, activity and water.
Was anybody else afraid when they started this journey?


  1. I actually have a whole post going live in the morning about my fears about identity and weight maintenance! This is something I've been working on throughout my whole weight loss journey - losing the physical weight is as easy as eating right and exercising, but the mental stuff is so much tougher to work through.

    I know that personally, so much of my identity is tied to being an obese person - I want to be healthy, but at the same time, it feels like an intangible part of me is dying with every pound I lose. If I'm not the jolly big girl who's always talking about losing weight but never doing it, then who am I?

    Losing weight is a totally scary experience - it works every bit of you, no doubt about it. But something I've insisted upon since the beginning is that I'm incredibly grateful that we can't wake up at our goal weights. Gaining the weight didn't happen overnight, and losing it won't either - and that's a good thing, because we need the time to adjust and adapt to our new lives and our new, smaller selves. Just because something is terrific and awesome and good for us doesn't mean it isn't scary and won't take time to get used to!

    As long as you have a plan to keep going, you're not failing. How does the saying go? You don't drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there.

    Cheering for you, always! ♥

  2. Thank you so much Mary!