Day 164

Day 164

140 days since my last post. I have to say that I've honestly not done much since Day 24 except survive to the best of my ability. Depression and anxiety have a societal stigma where it isn't much talked about. If I'm being completely honest I never thought I would be one to have a discussion on my public blog regarding these things. My very best friend is one of the only people I personally have seen deal with the affects and effects of depression, anxiety, and other diseases. She is a steel beam in my opinion. 

I've watched her overcome so much in the past few years. Now that I'm dealing with it on a much smaller, in my opinion, scale I can't help but wonder how she did it. How did she get up and go to work everyday? How did she take care of her husband and furbabies everyday? How did she have the strength or where did she find it? Was it pure determination and strength of will power? I'm positive some days were. My best friend has been my rock to lean on in the past few months that I've been having issues. 

In this day 164 I do have some good news. Amid all this turmoil and daily struggle my fiance and I have found the time and found the way to be more active. It's not much however, we made it to the gym last Saturday 06/04 and did a 40 minute lower body and abs workout. This past Friday 06/10 we went to the batting cages. We had 208 pitches total, so 104 each. It was a blast! I think we will definitely be doing that more often. Then yesterday my best friend and I went to the pool here at our apartment complex. We didn't do anything specifically defined as exercise. Just treading the water, a little swimming and walking for about an hour. Between the batting cage and the pool I am so sore. I activated all the muscles. I'm back to work tomorrow after being out for a whole week; unplanned. I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. I believe I made a breakthrough with my issues that are going on right now this past week or at least I hope I did. I can't afford to keep taking time off from my job. Wish me luck. Positive thoughts and prayers always appreciated. #prayfororlando

~Rusti

Day 24

lent

This year for the first time in a long time I've decided to participate in lent. I've decided to give up social media. 

...jury is still out on rather that was a rational decision. 

Forty six days without Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. 

I'm pretty much addicted to Facebook and Pinterest. This shall be an interesting journey. 

Healthy living journey has been a bit rocky since starting my new job. I'm eating breakfast out almost everyday and most lunches aren't that healthy. I'm also back to drinking a few cans of Dr Pepper a day; even though I'm keeping up with my water intake I know it's a bad thing to be having that much soda everyday. I'm trying to regroup and get back on track with going to bed at a decent hour so I can wake up on time and get in some movement and a healthier breakfast at home before work. My work schedule hours are anywhere from 7am to 7pm Monday thru Friday and 830am to 4pm Saturday. I'm trying to get in the habit of being in bed by 930 everyday so I can get up by 5am everyday, even my days off. I have to leave my house about an hour before work everyday. Really on the days I work at 7am I should be getting up by 430am but that's just too early for me. 

I am really hoping that giving up the social media will help me with time management. Usually the first thing I do anytime I pick up my phone or get on my laptop is to get on Facebook. I can't imagine how much time I'll actually be saving myself. 

Here's to the next 45 days. Day 1 down. 

Day Ten

big news

Shortly after my last post I got some very good news...

I got a job! I had been unemployed since early December and am so elated to be employed again.

From the outside looking in it may seem that I haven't done much towards my goals since my last post 12 days ago. In my opinion, which is why I am not starting my day count over,I have made some progress. I have only eaten out a few times which is pretty good over 12 days considering that used to be a daily event for myself. I've been eating healthier and drinking a ton of water. My dogs are enjoying the walks that we are taking every day. They aren't incredibly long or strenuous but when we get home my thighs are tingling and I'm out of breath. They both go straight for the water bowl. In the past I would have considered this a failure and felt defeated. This time I'm just going to continue doing what I've been doing and adding small things in over time. I'm noticing differences in how my clothes fit and my thighs are a little thinner. It's always a little surprising how quickly I start to notice changes in my body just from drinking more water and making better choices. Now that I am going to have an almost set schedule with my new employment I will be able to get a solid schedule going for planned workouts. Also with my new schedule I should be able to do some meal planning that will help with taking my lunches. 

I did weigh last Friday and it only changed by 0.02 pounds so I don't think that's enough for a full post for such a small amount; although it was in the right direction! Hopefully this Friday will show more of change. 

I am excited with where I am at and where I'm going. 

Success is on the horizon... I just have to go get it!

~Rusti 

Day Negative Two

heartbroken

I've titled this chapter "Day Negative Two" because Monday will be Day One. I've been writing this blog for a really long time and unfortunately haven't done much with that time. Recently I came across a photo on Facebook that broke my heart:

According to the post on FB, the woman on the left is 250 lbs and the one on the right is 120 lbs.

This image carries the power to break my heart because I am currently 270 lbs...a number I've only seen before while pregnant with my son back in 2009. The difference between now and when I was pregnant with my son is that about 95% of the weight I gained while pregnant was water retention weight. My doctor was very pleased with the fact that I only actually gained about 15-20 lbs of weight total for my pregnancy. My son weighed 7 lb 2 oz at birth so that means that about 14.4 lbs was baby/afterbirth and lost immediately. Basically I gained about 6 lbs that wasn't my baby or part of what was after birth. I had about 40 lbs of additional weight from the massive amount of water retention that happened in the last 2 months. This time around I have nothing to blame and no excuses. This is purely a problem with diet and exercise. My diet has changed over the last year and half for the better. I have discovered new foods and I actually like vegetables and fruit. I still have tremendous issues with wanting/liking to eat out. I'm also not a salad as an entree person at all whatsoever. I will eat a salad as a side but if I eat a salad as an entree I'm hungry in about an hour and a half so it's just not worth it for me. This is the first year that I haven't made resolutions regarding getting fit or losing weight. I am proud of myself for not doing that because it's always a false promise to myself. I'm going to be 29 this coming April. I really want to get healthy before my 30th so that I can go into my third decade healthy, fit and happy. 

I believe in baby steps and in my self that I can attain the goals and dreams I've had for myself for years. This has to be the year that it all clicks and I win the war with myself. I've seen what poor health choices has meant for the elderly members of my family and I don't want that for myself, nor for my son to have to worry about me in that respect. I also know that I've been lucky so far to not be diagnosed with Diabetes. I am hoping to keep it that way with self discipline and dedication. I have a wonderful support and encouragement system with my friends and family. My biggest and most sincere support comes from my girlfriend, Anita. She is amazing and she motivates me everyday to want to be better and do better in all aspects. She forgives me when I'm being needy and ungrateful. She reminds me of my goals and dreams when I get discouraged and unmotivated. Anita, my love, is by the best motivator I have. xoxo panda, I love you. 

“I will beat her. I will train harder. I will eat cleaner. I know her weaknesses. I know her strengths. I’ve lost to her before, but not this time. She is going down. I have the advantage because I know her well. She is the old me.”

"I am my problem but also my solution." 

~Rusti

Mustache Dache! aka MY 1st 5K!!!

...ok so apparently I started this blog a while back. My first (and only) 5k was completed on November 29th 2014. It was a chilly morning and this course was not easy on someone who had done absolutely no training except one walk that was about a mile in length. Anita, my love, and I walked the entire thing in 1 hour 5 minutes. I jogged maybe an 8th of a mile on a down hill at one point. 

I will say the best feeling was the end...crossing the finish line and getting my first medal. 

Obviously based on the 2nd sentence I haven't done anymore of these or anything else to get healthy and in shape.

Gosh I wish I had! November is coming up again and I can't believe a whole year has almost past already. 

I think for me, the saddest part is now the medal is hanging on the wall with a size 8 pair of jeans that I bought as a goal from a second hand store well over 2 years ago. I'm still wearing size 20 lane bryant.... :(

Here's hoping....no, not hoping, CHOOSING, that better choices are on the horizon!

~RustiAnn

Pain in the Ass

I am a pain in my own ass!

Weight lost ticker is going in the wrong direction, heartburn has returned with a vengeance and I can't stop eating bad foods and drinking Dr. Pepper. I found out today from my gynecologist that all the crazy irregularities I've been experiencing the past few months are self inflicted. Forgetting to take my pill means my hormones go on a roller coaster ride causing my poly cystic ovarian syndrome to go crazy which causes pain and frustration. Drinking so much caffeine causes my breasts to swell to the point I can barely move and actually missed a day of work because it was so bad. I seriously thought he was going to say I needed to have them removed. I will be switching birth control methods so I won't have to remember to take a pill daily, I will just set an alarm on my phone once a month and there we go! 

He didn't give me much for the P.C.O.S pain issue. I know being on the constant birth control hormones is supposed to help with the pain and now that will be good to go. However, the only other solution is, of course, to lose weight. A friend and I went to check out the YMCA right down the road from my house today. Haven't decided if we want to join just yet. I think we should commit to walking or something for a few months before we put money into something. Neither of us has the money to spare right now for something we aren't going to use. I will be scheduling an appointment with an endocrinologist soon so I can find out what is going on with my thyroid that I found out was off over a year ago on routine blood labs. Hopefully I can take care of that next week. 

I feel as though I am yet again starting from square one after failing myself and my doctors again! I weighed 264 at the doctor office today. I never wanted to see myself over 260 again. I was down in the 230's last summer! I know it sounds crazy but HOW DID I GAIN OVER 30 POUNDS IN LESS THAN A YEAR???? 

Is enough enough yet???

~RustiAnn

Update 02.11.2014

Update 02.11.2014

First things first; my opinion on the biggest loser winner. I think she did an amazing job and deserves her winnings.As far as her looking a bit over thin...yes, however I highly doubt she will be at 105lbs for very long. That's all I have to say about that. 

As far as my update...well I am no longer part of the boot camp that I joined. I am currently sitting at 255lbs. I am moving from my apartment in 11 days to my moms house. Once I am in my moms I will be developing my plan based off of the Body for Life program for work outs and meal plans. 

I will be coinciding a new financial plan to hopefully do both in tandem. 

Need to get back to drinking water more regularly and not eating tacos every morning for breakfast. 

I really do want to be successful in weight loss and be healthy. I know for that each year I continue to be overweight can cause major medical issues and shorten my lifespan. I know what is required of me to make it happen. 

Here's to making it happen!

Getting back to my year of FAITH! 

~RustiAnn

Overdue Update 01.19.2014

Long overdue update. 

249 lbs. 

Started Transform Nation on the 13th of January. 

Looking forward to the results. When I made it through four weeks of the system in the fall and I lost 8 inches off my body in just that short amount of time. I am looking forward to results. 

A lot of bloggers choose a word for the year: 

this is my year of faith.

 Faith in myself and my ability to be successful. I am not going to plan on blogging a lot or often. I will be writing in my personal journal by hand and will share things as I feel they need to be shared. In the boot camp we are weighing in every week. I will be posting my numbers and thoughts on that weekly. I do already know that my waist is about 4 inches smaller than it was last time. Anyway I am excited to see what happens. 

oh did I mention I signed up for a full year of Transform Nation....

each session is 3 months with about 3 to 4 weeks off in between. 

~RustiAnn

Damage I've Done

age

I am 26 years old biologically....my body is 42 years old because of years of obesity and neglect. My health insurance offers a free health assessment online. When I completed the assessment it told me I am actually 42 years old because of my own lifestyle. That sucks....

I can't believe that just because of what I eat and don't do as far as exercise makes me only 8 years younger than my own my mother actually is. 

Recently I've seen two pictures of myself that just make me want to scream. I am still sitting at 240lbs. It just seems like my body is bigger than it was. 

FORTY TWO...next time I take the assessment I want it to be younger than my actual age. I need to cut 100 lbs off my body and 16 years off my "age". 

~RustiAnn

I want the left side...determination and hard work are needed.

Strength over time equals power.

April!

Well hello April! How I've missed you! I love April. So many good things this month. Many of my family members have birthdays this month and mine is on the 30th. 

I went to the doctor at the end of March and had a physical. It was not pretty. As we all know, I am considered morbidly obese for my age and height. My BMI is around 47%. My cholesterol is so high that she has put me on a low carb, low sugar, low fat diet and bonus my thyroid is low so I have to go to an endocrinologist. I will find out the exact numbers for my cholesterol on Monday I hope. I hate hate hate myself for still being so overweight that I am a heart attack waiting to happen and I'm only 25!!!! I mean wtf is wrong with me that I can't get my head out of my ass, my car out of the drive through and the soda out of my hand to get this shit done and be healthy??? It's all I've ever wanted and for some reason I can't get it done. I don't have a choice anymore. To keep myself from having a massive heart attack I have to do what I know is right and good for me. 

any ass kicking advice?? go for it in the comments!

~RustiAnn

Update

Well that was a really long hiatus! Sorry guys been dealing with some family things.

I recently left my husband of almost six years to be on my own. It has been a long 3 months. Lots of ups and downs and craziness. I am happy to report that even with all the craziness of the past few months I have not gained any weight. I will add that I have not lost any either, I'm very happy I have no gained any. 

Now that I've been living on the THIRD floor of my apartment complex for about a month I have noticed that all my clothes are a little big...even the panties. My legs have thinned out and look leaner. My arms are stronger just from carrying things up and down the stairs every day. I've been on my own for a month now. It hasn't been easy and I expect that it won't be for a while however, I'm ready to put exercise back in my routine. I need to get myself on a schedule. Hopefully it will help with the emotions and mood swings too. 

Not exactly a happy update but just wanted ya'll to know I'm still kicking.

~RustiAnn

Enjoying My Job!

Hey everybody! Hope ya'll are good! I am feeling better the past few days. I have been able to make it to work all 3 days and stay the whole shift. I finally figured out my pain meds and have been able to keep the pain under control. The meds combined with a "rice sock" heating pad I am feeling much better. I still can't exercise but I'm doing good on my eating and I am 2 weeks soda free! Will be 3 weeks on Monday the 10th. I am so happy I have decided to quit drinking sodas all together. Dr. Pepper was my poison of choice! I feel so much better. The only thing I don't understand, and yes TMI is coming up, now that I pretty much drink water exclusively except occasional glass of milk, I seem to be dealing with a case constipation that doesn't make any sense to me. I thought with all the water and eating healthy that wouldn't be an issue...if anything I would be more "normal" or "regular". Any advice?

I am really enjoying my job. This is the first full time job I have ever had and this is also the longest I've stayed at a job in a long time. I have no desire to leave this job and I like what I do. I get to train someone that they just hired starting next Tuesday! I am so excited! I can't believe I've only been there a couple months and I am already getting to train someone! Anyway, all is looking well here nothing much to report except that I am loving life right now!

~RustiAnn

Restricted

RESTRICTED!!!

I have been restricted from any form of exercise that could cause my cyst to twist over on itself and stop blood flow to my ovary. I wouldn't be able to do much considering the pain I am in.

I am doing everything I can to stay on track eating wise and hydrating. 

My doctor prescribed birth control for 2 months to shrink the cyst by stopping the ovulation process. That or it will burst, I kind of hope it will burst so the pain will go away. I have never been in such pain. I went to work today and only made it 4 and half hours and that's with 800mg of ibuprofen. Nothing is comfortable, sitting, standing walking even laying down isn't comfortable. I don't know how people who have pain constantly do it! Highest respect for ya'll! Finally get my head on straight with eating and wanting to exercising and now I'm side lined by a cyst! Well, here's hoping it's over soon!

~RustiAnn

ER Visit Anyone???

Thank you all so much for your lovely comments on my last post. I am so happy to have such encouraging people reading and commenting on my blog.

As I mentioned in the previous post I was quitting soda. I have been a week without soda and it's been great. I had a horrible headache Tuesday and Wednesday but I got over the 3 day hump and all is well.

To explain the title of today's post.  I woke up Monday morning with dull low back pain on the left side of my back. This pain kept up through out the week. I only made it to work for 5 and half hours on Tuesday I couldn't keep comfortable in any position, sitting, standing or laying down it didn't matter I just uncomfortable and hurting. The pain wasn't excruciating it was just there, annoyingly so. Finally on Friday after calling in to work for the 3rd time in a week I took the trip to the emergency room. Well after 12 hours there, they found a 6cm cyst on my left ovary. I was prescribed pain meds and told to follow up with my gynecologist to resolve the issue. The ER doctors are only concerned if the cyst twist since it's so big it does run the risk of that. I am being careful with what I do for exercise since I don't want to cause it to twist. The Dr at the er told me that if it does twist I will know because the pain will be excruciating. I won't have to wonder if maybe that was what he was talking about. 

This week went well with the no soda thing and I am so happy to finally be off them for good. I have absolutely no intentions of returning to drinking them. I know they were/are bad for me. Also, I now know that caffeine is a natural pain killer and it makes me wonder if I had stopped drinking all the damn soda sooner would I have been able to catch the cyst at 2 or 3 cm instead of 6? 

Skinny Snowman Challenge update:

My first weeks points total: 130 of 450 possible points. 

I am really enjoying the challenge, I love the points system and the charts. 

This morning I woke up to a 5lb loss! I am shocked at this considering they gave me an IV bag of fluids at the ER and I got my monthly gift yesterday. Those sodas sure do wreak havoc on everything! I know I could have dropped more pounds this week if I had been able to do the walking or any form of exercise. 

December Goals:

1. Follow up with dr about the cyst to resolve it.

2. Walk 30 minutes Daily

3. Continue No Soda 

4. Incorporate Meatless Mondays 

5. Lose 15lbs (I've already lost 5 and I want to actually lose 10 in the month of Dec)

Thanks for reading!

~RustiAnn

p.s. i found out i like cantaloupe!

Please send Encouragement!

 I would appreciate some encouragement from my blogger friends! I've been having some motivational issues since the miscarriage in October and I've put on about 15lbs. Not exactly where I wanted to be right now this year. I wanted to be running 5k's and under 200lbs. I'm frustrated and annoyed with myself. help!!

I would also like to add somewhat of a disclaimer:

I DO NOT want to be a bull shit blogger that only claims to "want" to lose weight and never does anything to achieve that notion. I know I've been that person since I started this blog so I am no longer going to be that person. If I'm not truly 100% into eating healthy and exercising, walking the walk, not just talking the talk, I WILL NOT POST. I will not whine or complain. I am an able bodied 25 year old with no medical conditions and no handicaps there is no reason why I can not take control of my life and refuse myself "treats" and sodas so that I can be around for many many many years to come! All the crap fake foods that we, as a nation, eat on a daily basis should probably be outlawed and I intend to outlaw them for myself. No more crappy McDonald's, Taco Bell, Whataburger...etc etc etc the list goes on. I want whole, healthy, natural foods to be my family's first choice. It shouldn't be complicated. 

DENY myself all the shitty foods and eat WHOLE, NATURAL food.

It starts now.

No soda.

It's not good for me anyway!

No eating out.

Natural whole foods and water only!

Walking 20 minutes minimum everyday!

~RustiAnn

Loss

A little over a week ago I emailed Allan to remove myself from the challenge because I found out I was expecting.

Little did I know that two days later that pregnancy would end in miscarriage. My husband and I are both very distraught and working on coming to terms with this very unfortunate and unforeseen event in our lives. We were both very excited to be parents again and now we are just clinging to our faith, each other, and our son. 

My husband has been such a rock for me through this struggle, I can't thank him enough. A few days after the miscarriage happened I came home from work to these beautiful flowers.

My favorite, Star Gazer lilies and a single pink rose.

I was very early in my pregnancy. We did not know the gender of the baby at all. It's amazing how much love you can have for someone that was only a part of you for about 4 weeks. We have decided to name the baby "Skye". 

My dear Skye, I love you and I know you are loved and safe in heaven with Jesus. Love, Mommy.

~RustiAnn

Wordpress

Hello there, it's been 5 months since I've written.

Today I am giving a short update and a link to my new blog home. I am doing pretty good. I am still sitting around 235lbs. I have joined Allan's challenge and I am enjoying the menu much more than I thought I would. It is amazing how 1200 calories really is enough every day!

I went to my yearly gyn appointment in June everything is normal and in the year since I had been there I have lost 49 pounds! My doctor is incredibly happy with me! Here's to continuing on a successful path.

I have moved my blog to Spoonful of Texas Sugar. My new blog is not dedicated to weight loss, it is the "witty and sarcastic ramblings of a Texas Girl!" It will be about everything! I hope you'll click on over and subscribe!

Thank you so much for following me here for so long!

Farewell,

~RustiAnn

p.s. i may do periodic updates on this blog every few months

49 Days!

No weigh in today, I forgot to do it this morning. 

We are down to 49 days until we go on vacation. I am down to 12 days until my 

25th birthday. I don't know how I feel about this birthday yet.

Anyway, went for a 0.77 mile walk tonight, took about 20 minutes and did 2 short jogging portions. Felt good to get outside and it actually got rid of my headache.

~RustiAnn

52 Days

236 lbs.

I have recovered from my ridiculous 13 pound gain a week ago. Hydration really is key.

~RustiAnn

55 days, weigh day 2

240 lbs today.

that is all i have today. too late for a longer post. i need my sleep.

~RustiAnn